Off to see the Wizard
by stupidpenname
Summary: Post DH Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Luna, and Neville have a movie night in. The movie of choice? The Wizard of Oz. Somehow fairytale wizards and witches don't quite match the reality. Just a fun short story. One shot. Rating for some naughtyish words.


AN: Sorry people nothing new. I just fix some of the spelling and gramatical errors. Enjoy!

* * *

It had been a year since the Battle of Hogwarts. The day had become an unofficial holiday. Harry had been swamped with "thank you" owls baring gifts. Children knocked on his door and gave him headless gumi worms that had been enchanted to writhe. And of course Rita Seeker had tried for an exclusive interview (she was currently in a jar making its way through the muggle postage system. She would get home in a day or two.)

And all day Harry had heard the same thing. "Happy Hallows Day, Harry Potter."

He has smiled of course. He had sent back thank you letters. He had taken a bite out of the worms to be polite. He had even put air-holes in Rita's jar. But Harry wasn't in the mood to celebrate. Not on a day when so many people were lost.

Maybe this was why Hermione called.

'Harry, its Hermione. Hey are you doing anything tonight?'

'Me?' Harry had been asked by at least a hundred different people to join their celebratory shindigs and hootenannies. 'No. No why?'

'Well I was thinking that maybe it would be good if all of us get together tonight and do something quiet. Y'know, watch a movie, eat popcorn…'

Harry had to admit it. 'Something quiet would be nice. But I thought that Ron and Ginny would want to be with the rest of the Weasley clan?'

'No actually. Bill, Charlie, and Percy are all still away doing their things, and so Arthur has decided to take Molly out for dinner, which should be nice.'

'What about George. He shouldn't be alone on a…'

'He won't. Katie Bell's going to be "comforting" him. He was the one who asked I take Ron and Gin off his hands. He says he really appreciates what they're trying to do but after two weeks of their support and sympathy…'

'Ah. Well. Yes. I… I can understand.'

'Great. So we three, Luna and Neville will be at your place around sixish…"

'What? Hey? Wait! Since when do you invite yourself over to other people's houses?'

'Since you have a bigger lounge and the only DVD player out of all of us. See you tonight.'

…..

Harry stared at the DVD cover, eyebrow raised over his glasses. 'Out of all the movies you could have chosen, you decided to get _The Wizard of Oz?_'

'Don't blame me.' Hermione sat on the lounge with a giant bowl of popcorn. 'It was Ron's idea.'

'Shush!' hushed Ginny, 'The movies starting.'

'Harry?' asked Neville 'Is there something wrong with your picture box?'

'No.'

'How come there's no colour then?

From that point on Harry knew things were going to get complicated.

…

'What the hell… She's singing.'

Hermione gave a sigh. 'Yes Ron. It's a musical.'

'Why is she singing?'

'Like I said Ron, it's a musical. They do that.'

'So people just randomly burst into song?'

'Ron. Think about the word musical for a second. What does it imply?'

'So… does everyone sing in these muggle… box… story things?'

'Only if it's a musical, Ron.'

'I like lemon drops.' said Luna absently. 'But I don't know why she would only have them above the chimney tops. Seems an odd place…'

…

'Kick her in the shins, take the dog, and RUN!'

'Ron, honey, if you keep throwing popcorn at the T.V. they'll be none left too eat.'

…

'Boy! Those rowers sure look happy considering they're flying around a tornado facing certain death from debris or plummeting back to earth.'

Harry put his arm around his girlfriend. 'Anyone ever tell you Gin, that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit?'

Ginny nestled in. 'I thought the lowest form of wit was fart jokes.'

…

…_are you a good witch, or a bad witch?_

_Oh, but I've already told you, I'm not a witch at all -- witches are old and ugly._

'Oh that little…!' Ginny sat upright 'Did you here that! I'll get her back to Kansas. Just face her in the right direction and give me enough space to run up for the kick.'

'Shush.' said Harry 'Just wait.'

_They're laughing because I am a witch. I'm Glinda, the Witch of the North._

_You are! Oh, I beg your pardon! But I've never heard of a beautiful witch before._

_Only bad witches are ugly._

'I'm not to keen on that either.'

'I dunno…' Ron's words were obscured by popcorn. 'What about Umbridge?'

There was a general mummer of agreement.

…

_Ding Dong! The Witch is dead._

_Which old witch?_

_The Wicked Witch!_

_Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead!_

'There needs to be more occasions where you have celebrations for killing people with real estate.' Harry commented.

Ron –his head resting on Hermione's lap- pointed at the telly 'See, this is where you went wrong last year. Everyone would have been far more impressed if you dropped Hogwarts on Voldermort.'

Harry nodded. 'I'll keep that in mind for next time.'

Hermione shifted 'Does anyone else think that the "Munchkins" -that are oppressed by an evil witch and forced to do her bidding- are a metaphor for the plight of house elves?'

Ron looked up at his girlfriend. 'Only if they were as obsessively crazy about the rights of house elves as y...' The "ou" part of what he was going to say was quickly muffled under a cushion.

…

_The ruby slippers! What have you done with them?_

'Those slippers must be important if she wants them so much.' Noted Luna

'Plus they go with everything.' said Neville 'Pass the popcorn, please.'

'Neville you made a funny!' cried Ginny. 'I'm so proud of you. Our little boy is growing up.'

…

_How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?_

_I don't know. But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking don't they?_

'That's true.' said Ginny 'Remember Romilda Vane? That girl could talk even if you stuck her head in a bucket full of cement.'

Ron stuck his finger in the air 'But on the other hand, Crabbe and Goyle weren't known for they're oratory skills.'

'That's true.'

…

'Wait! That Tin man is one of the guys from the start of the movie! At the farm, remember.'

Ginny sat up. 'Look, Neville's right! Oh! And the scarecrows one of them too! Look!'

'Lylisses'.' Said Luna simply. 'They disguise themselves as humans during the day, but them when you sleep they stand around your bed and invade your subconscious to feast on your dreams.'

'So you think she's asleep?' asked Ron.

'Of course!' Luna took a handful of popcorn 'Nothing this silly could happen in real life.'

'Of course.' Agreed Ron 'Witches and wizards? Preposterous!'

Luna seemed not to notice. 'But Lylisses' usually have a queen...'

Neville jumped up. 'Hey! Everyone! Look! The witch is the evil dog hater!'

Luna smiled.

…

'Oh how terrifying. A man in a lion suit. I just might wet myself in fear.'

'Gin, what did I say about sarcasm?'

'Oh that reminds me. Have you heard the one about a man who eats a bowlful of baked beans before he goes to meet his in-laws…'

…

'Get to Oz already!'

'If I see one more yellow brick I'm gonna puke.'

'Do they have to skip all the way? I mean, is that a requirement on this road or something?'

…

'Neville? Are there any flowers that make you go to sleep?' Luna watched the T.V eyebrows furrowed.

'Well… there are Sopophorous used in the draught of the living dead. But they're beans. Not poppies. Tell me again how the snow is helping?

…

'Oh come on. Look how bulky the twigs are. The aerodynamics on that broom are a joke. There's no way she could get it off the ground, let alone land it'

Hermione rolled her eyes. 'Ron you are the only person who is noticing the broom's manoeuvrability.'

Ginny was laughing so much her eyes watered 'Have you seen the bend in the end of that thing? If she did get off the ground she would tale spin into a nose-dive. Damn it, a Blue-Bottle could beat that thing.'

Hermione sighed. 'I stand corrected.'

'Come on.' Said Harry 'Lets remember that it is a muggle film and that they aren't really thinking about broom structure.'

Hermione nodded 'Thank you Harry.'

'Despite the fact that that broom's velocity would probably only reach my knee.'

…

'If everything in the city are all the same colour green how do they not bump into things.'

Hermione tilted her head 'Is it a bad thing that what Luna just said actually makes sense to me?'

…

_Somebody pulled my tail._

_Oh, you did it yourself!_

'I wish I had a tail.' Said Luna absently.

Harry tried not to giggle. 'Why?'

'I just think it would be useful. Some people want to be taller or thinner, have bigger breast or a smaller bum. Why can't I want a tail?'

'Why not indeed.'

…

Ron pointed at the screen. 'I'm sure that if Dumbledore was a big floating head he wouldn't have had all that trouble with the ministry in our fifth year. No one messes with a giant floating head.'

Hermione grinned 'Probably make students less rebellious too.'

_But first, you must prove yourselves worthy by performing a very small task._ _Bring me the broomstick of the Witch of the West._

The Quidditch players began to roar with laughter.

…

_Now, fly! Fly! Bring me that girl and her slippers! Fly! Fly! Fly!_

Of course the laughter was deafening when it came to the flying monkeys. Except for Luna, who stated the flying monkeys had been extinct for 278 years after being hunted for the pelts and as ingredients in rare prosperity spells. But the others didn't hear over their laughter.

…

_Ohhh -- you cursed brat! Look what you've done! I'm melting! Melting! Oh -- what a world -- what a world!_

'She's melting?!' cried Ginny. 'Do muggles really think we do that?'

'I wish it was true.' said Neville standing with a chuckle. 'All we would have needed last year was a bucket on top of a door to get rid of the Carrows. "We're Melting. MELLLLLTTTTINGGGG!!! The Dark-Lord will crucio our goo for our failure. Who thought that we could be defeated by a gag so old the Weasley twins wouldn't touch it? MELLLLLTTTTINGGGG!!!"'

Neville's impression of the Carrows melting was received by thunderous applause. He took a deep bow.

…

_Hail! Hail to Dorothy -- The Wicked Witch is dead!_

_You mean, you're...you're all happy about it?_

_Very happy - now she won't be able to hit us with a broom anymore!_

Hermione frowned. 'She hit those poor creatures with her broom?'

'Outrageous!' shouted Ron. 'That probably how it got bent! What a stupid thing to do with a perfectly good broom.'

Ginny and Harry stared at Ron

'Okay not _perfectly_ good.'

…

_Do not arouse the wrath of the Great and Powerful Oz!_

'I'm going to start calling myself the Great and Powerful Ron. See where it gets me.'

Harry laughed. 'It'll get you beaten up for being such a wanker.'

Ron threw popcorn at him. 'This all coming from "the chosen one" himself?'

'I speak with experience.'

…

_Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain._

Hermione scoffed. 'Yeah, that's going to work.'

Ginny sat up. 'It's that gypsy man!'

'Like I said, Ginny, Lylisses. There everywhere.'

…

_You are now a member of the Legion of Courage!_

'Who knew all you needed was a medal to be brave. They should tell the sorting hat that, or people could cheat the system to get into Gryffindor.'

…

_You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had the power to go back to Kansas._

_I have?_

'WHAT?!'

'Ron, sit down!'

_Then why didn't you tell her before?_

_Because she wouldn't have believed me. She had to learn it for herself._

'What a crock of s…'

'Ron!'

'We all know who the wicked witch is here, Bubble Lady!'

Ginny cocked an eyebrow. 'Bubble Lady?'

'She probably just kept the poor girl there so Dorothy could stop the wicked witch, and she wouldn't have to lift a finger.'

'Ron there's two minutes left.' Hermione grabbed the back of his shirt. 'Sit down and shut up.

…

_But it wasn't a dream -- it was a place. And you -- and you -- and you -- and you were there._

'Look. It was a dream. Luna was right!'

'Everyone standing around her bed? It's kind of creepy…'

'Not unlike… the_Lylisses_!' There was a soft thump as Luna was hit over the head with a cushion.

_And I'm not going to leave here ever, ever again, because I love you all! And -- Oh, Auntie Em -- there's no place like home!_

Hermione jabbed her elbow into Ron ribs to stop him making the gagging noises. As _The End_ appeared on screen, the group got to there feet.

'That was actually quite fun.' Said Neville stretching. 'We should do it again some time.'

Harry smiled. 'Maybe next year.'


End file.
